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A little guy gets on a plane and sits by the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep. The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he’s afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. He knows he can’t climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do. Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of...

An elderly Canadian gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. “You have been to France before, monsieur?” the customs officer asked, sarcastically. The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously. “Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.” The Canadian said, “The last time I was here, I didn’t have to show it.” “Impossible, Canadians always have to show your passports on arrival in France!” The Canadian senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look, then...

After a traumatic event in childhood, Taylor grew to mistrust doctors so much that he wouldn’t move when an ambulance was trying to get through a traffic jam. But he soon discovered how easily he could’ve lost everything for being so stubborn. “We need to hire a nanny, darling. I can’t handle three kids, my job, and the house,” Taylor’s wife Polly said when they finished dinner and the kids returned to their rooms. “A nanny? They’re so expensive, and it’s not worth it,” Taylor replied, shaking his head. He rose from their dining table and went to the living...

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. “Why so little?” she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said: “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a br0thel, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar things.” The woman thought about this but decided she wanted the bird anyway. She took it home, hung its cage in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then...

Bernie had a fight with Rachel, his wife, and went to the movies to cool off. Later that evening, he decided to phone home to see what the situation was and maybe even apologise. “Hello, darling,” he said, “what are you making for dinner?” “What am I making for dinner? After all the horrible things you said to me earlier, you want to know what I am making for dinner?? Poison, that’s what I’m making, poison.” Bernie replies, “Okay then, just make one portion, I’m not coming home.”

Rick is swimming in a lake near his grandfather’s house when he notices something lurking in the shallow waters’ shadows. He gathers a bunch of friends and investigates further, only to discover it’s his late grandpa’s old car, hiding a safe and the older man’s secrets in its trunk. Rick was a little boy, one with big curious blue eyes, when his grandfather took him and his younger brother Dan under his wing. Cason’s son and daughter-in-law had died in a car crash that year, leaving their two young boys orphans. After losing his wife to cancer years ago and...

‘The Carol Burnett Show’ featured the hysterical recurring character played by Carol known as ‘The Fireside Girl.’ It was a parody of the ‘Girl Scouts,’ only in these skits, Carol blackmails her potential customers. Harvey Korman is walking through his messy house, filled with party decorations. He leans on a table and pours a drink but gets tangled in streamers. The doorbell rings, and he says, “Go away. There’s nobody home.” He opens the door, and Carol starts yelling at him in a high-pitched annoying voice in her uniform. She asks Harvey if he would contribute to sending a girl...

A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford on the subject of modern nutrition. “The rubbish we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High trans-fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realize the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me...