Jokes

In the joke below, you’ll see some exchanges between FedEx pilots and the engineers that keep their planes running smoothly. The engineers nail it every single time. We don’t know if these scenarios actually happened, but they’re hilarious regardless. Enjoy. After every flight, FEDEX pilots fill out a form, known as a ‘gripe sheet’ to tell mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics fix the problem and then document their repairs on the form. Here are some maintenance problems submitted by the pilots (marked with a ‘P’) and the solutions recorded (marked by an ‘S’) by maintenance engineers, who...

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He sh0-t and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded: “I sh-0t a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.” The old farmer replied: “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.” The indignant lawyer said: “I am one of the best trial attorneys in...

Darcy had to raise a kid on her own because her so-called man of the house was always out at the bar with his friends, and when he wasn’t, he was always slacking off at home. She called up her mother-in-law during a particularly hard day, whom she wasn’t always on the best of terms with because she tended to side with her son rather than offer the woman any sort of support. Darcy asked, “Could you tell me who changes the child if it poops itself? Is it the dad or the mom?” “It is always the mother, honey,”...

Sarah was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells. Sarah’s favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen...

A 70-year-old retired Military officer had one hobby – he loved to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say: ‘Pick me up.‘ he looked around and couldn’t see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, “Pick me up.‘ He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The retd officer said: ‘Are you talking to me The frog said, ‘Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have...

The father in the next story got quite the shock when he noticed a detail on his newborn daughter’s appearance – but thankfully, doctors always have an answer. A couple had just had their first child. But something was wrong, so the father rushed in panic to the doctor who helped the mother with delivery. “I’m not her real dad!” The dad grabbed the doctor by the arm. “Doctor!” Screamed the father. “I don’t know how I should say this, but I am horrified by the fact that my daughter has red hair! So how can I even be sure...

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Managers door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new Employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he...

An old woman was flying from Melbourne to Brisbane. Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sydney. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one old lady who was blind. A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her Seeing Eye Dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight. He could also tell she had flown this very flight before...

Little Johnny walks into a general store, walks up to the owner and asks for a job. The owner says: “You think you’d make a good salesman?” The Little Johnny says: “I don’t know. I think so.” Owner says. “I’ll tell you what. Next customer comes in, you watch me. If you think you can do what I do, you have a job!” A few minutes later a customer comes in. The owner of the store says: “Can I help you?” The customer says: “Yes. I’d like to buy a bag of grass seed.” “No problem.” Says the owner as...