Top Stories

An old farmer decided he wanted to go to town and see a movie. As he approached, the ticket agent asked: “Sir, what’s that on your shoulder?” The old farmer said: “That’s my pet rooster Chuck. Wherever I go, Chuck goes.” “I’m sorry, sir,” said the ticket agent. “We can’t allow animals in the theater.” The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed Chuck down his overalls. Then he returned to the booth, bought a ticket, and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge. The movie started and the rooster began...

A thief breaks into a luxurious home, but while he is busy stealing the silver, he notices something strange — there are photos of him on the walls. Even though he’d never let Crazy Johnny know, Dylan was scared. It was the first time he’d be breaking into a house on his own, even though he’d participated in a lot of other jobs back in Atlantic City before he came to Florida. Like so many street kids and runaways, he’d started hitching south as soon as it got cold. It was his first winter on the streets, but the first...

In Season 5, Episode 4 of ‘The Carol Burnett Show,’ Carol and Vicki walk into a cruise ship hotel room. They look around in shock, excited to be on the cruise. They giggle and snort like high school girls. The bellhop that escorts them to the room says they have a roommate named Mr. Lovewell. The bellhop leaves, and the other door opens to the adjoining room. Lyle Waggoner appears and introduces himself, saying, “Hi! Lonnie Lovewell here.” Then, Lonnie sees Vicki and thinks she’s beautiful, but realizes he’s rooming with Carol and gets mad. They agree to be on...

While a farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused, a man comes in and asks him: “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?” Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain. Man: So what happened that is so horrible? Farmer: Well if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I go the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it over. Man: That’s not so bad, what’s the big deal? Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain. Man: So then what happened. Farmer: I...

Three elderly women are talking about their troubles. “Sixty is the worst age to be,” said Ruth, the 60-year-old, “You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time nothing happens.” “Ah, that’s nothing,” said the 70-year-old, Maxine. “When you’re 70, you don’t have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothing happens.” “Actually,” said Gilda, the 80-year-old, “Eighty is the worst age of all.” “Do you have trouble peeing too?” asked Ruth. “No, I pee every morning at 6 a.m. I pee like a racehorse; no...

The 92-year-old petite, well-poised and proud lady, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o’clock, with her hair fashionably fixed and makeup perfectly applied even though she is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the Nursing home, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready. As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on her window. “I...

A kind-hearted ten-year-old boy decides to raise money for his elderly neighbor’s surgery by washing cars. He is stunned when someone decides to reward him. When Max Weaver was five years old, his father died and his life fell apart. Two years later, his mom couldn’t keep up with the mortgage payments, so they had to leave their home. Max’s mom decided they would move from California to Arizona and live with his grandmother, Moira. That meant that Max didn’t just lose his dad; he lost his friends and every connection to what had been a happy, carefree life. It...

‘The Carol Burnett Show’ Season 8, Episode 14 featured guest comedian Joan Rivers and a performance of songs from ‘Brooklyn the Musical.’ It starts with Carol and Vicki Lawrence on screen in white, yellow, and black plaid sweater vests and yellow berets. They begin to sing the song about Brooklyn, and they have background dancers come in to perform fantastic visual effects. The dancers are dressed similarly to Carol and Vicki. They whirl and jump over each other while accompanying the duo on the background vocals. Carol and Vicki sing about how all famous people were born in Brooklyn. They...

A bunch of boys decide to go cow-tipping. They go up to the fence and they are all standing there. They all point out the closest cow and have one of the boys go tip it over. The cow falls over and they all laugh. They find another cow and another kid goes over, tips it, and they laugh. One of the boys sees a fence a little ways away with a few massive bulls in it. They all dare one of the kids to tip the bull. He sneaks up next to the bull and tries to push the...