Top Stories

Little Johnny and Susie, each five years old, were playing house. They both decided it was time to get married. So Little Johnny went to Susie’s dad to ask for her hand in marriage. “Where will you live?” asked Susie’s dad, thinking this was cute. “Well,” said Little Johnny: “I figured I could just move into Susie’s room. It’s plenty big for both of us.” “And how will you live?” “I get $5 a week allowance and Susie gets $5 a week allowance. That should be enough.” Getting exasperated since Little Johnny seems to know all the answers, Susie’s dad...

A 3rd-grade teacher always took roll call each morning and had the pupils answer by reciting a short poem. The first kid who sat in the first row was a teacher’s pet. He stood and said: “My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can.” The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating: “My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to...

An old man was eating at a truck stop when three rough-looking bikers walked in. As they passed the old man, the first biker pushed his cigarette into the old man’s pie, then laughed and took a seat at the counter. The second biker picked up the old man’s milk and spit into it. The third biker turned over the old man’s plate before joining the others at the counter. Without saying a word to the laughing bikers, the old man put his money down, got up, and left the diner. One of the bikers said to the waitress: “Not...

Hardworking nineteen-year-old Arthur was devastated when his grandmother died, and confused that all she left him was an old rocking chair. However, Arthur discovers that Granny Esme has one last lesson to teach her grandsons. “Come closer, my sweet boys. I haven’t much time left.” Granny Esme’s voice was barely a whisper. Her hands shook when she reached for her grandsons, Luke and Arthur. The young men leaned in close to hear her. “Look after each other.” Esme’s gaze was filled with love as she studied the boys. “This world can be harsh. You need to be clever and wise...

When two legends of late-night TV came together, the results were hysterical. David Letterman welcomed Johnny Carson to his show. David welcomes his first guest to the show, and he is very excited as he pumps his fists and Johnny Carson walks out to thunderous applause. Johnny returns as if he forgot something and returns with his own portable desk! Johnny tells Letterman that it feels wrong to be sitting in the guest chair and looking the other way at the host. But Johnny says it’s nice because he can be cruel. David asks Johnny if he remembers his first...

There were two little crabs who met in Florida every year. One year when they arrived, one little crab was shivering terribly. The other crab asked why and he said: “I got a ride here on a man’s moustache. He drove so fast, I was freezing.” “Well,” the other crab said: “Why don’t you hide up a lady’s skirt next year? Then you won’t be as cold.” The little crab said: “Hey, that isn’t a bad idea.” A year later, the two crabs met at the same place, and the one little crab was shivering very badly again. The other...

After disregarding his mother’s most desired wish and discovering she died, Gary returns home for the funeral only to find out that everything he had counted on now belonged to a complete stranger. “Gary, I asked you to meet me here because it’s time for you to settle down,” Diane told her son at their favorite cafe. They had sat down and chit-chatted before she got down to brass tacks, but this was the reason for their meeting. “Mom, I’m not ready to get married,” Gary scoffed and laughed. “That’s not what I’m asking. Although you’re almost 40, Gary. You...

Johnny Carson rarely left his post as the ‘King of Late-Night,’ but he switched places with guest Robert Blake in a 1976 interview. The results were hysterical as Johnny became the guest of Robert’s hosting. Robert walks out in a plain white and green t-shirt and brown bell-bottom pants, and sits and smiles at Johnny, and says, “Let us go among them.” Johnny makes a joke, asking, “Would you like to go beat up a cleaning lady first? I feel a little overdressed tonight. I should’ve put on my leather outfit.” Robert says, “You look alright.” Robert’s hair is messy,...